Well I officially have left the safe confinements of my home to enter the dangerous unknown of Seoul, South Korea. It was a long trip and overall, I feel a little bit blue.
It really started before I even left. A couple of hours before I drove to the airport (LAX) I kind of broke down. It was just too hard to bear. At that moment, it was all too real, and I had a hard time dealing with the fact that I would be alone for so long.
I was in utter tears as I drove up to the airport with my dad. To make matters worse it was the Tom Bradley terminal which, in my opinion, is the worst terminal to say goodbye. The Tom Bradley is a wide open space, which means you can easily watch your love ones slowly and painfully walk away from you, something I did not want to deal with.
Despite the major tears I walked through those doors and left my home. After security, I barely had any time to sit and think so I bought my water and boarded the plane.
I was in the front seat at Thai Airways. While the plane was fancier than any other plane I have ever been on (and I once was upgraded to business class) it had a problem with my seat. First, the seat wouldn't go back, and second, the seat wasn't very wide. I had a hard time sleeping on my side, or even finding any form of comfortability, because the seat was shit.
I didn't have any food, and when the stewardess asked if I wanted tea, she never gave me any. What a genius evil plan! Ask if someone wants something then NEVER GIVE IT TO THEM! MUAH HA HA HA HA HA! There was no one around me that wanted to talk, so I just sat back and watched movies alone.
When I arrived, it was cold. Real cold. Not that kind of cold where you are like "hey its cold" but it is actually 69 degrees fahrenheit, but cold were you yell, "it's fucking freezing". However that wasn't the worst part, the worst part, at that moment, was trying to get out of the plane and navigate through Incheon International Airport.
One of the last things dad told me before I left for Korea was "Incheon International Airport is supposedly really good". Well I assume dad found that out on lies.com because it was horrible. First, there is not a single person there that could actually give me any help finding my way at all. All there was were two signs with one of them saying Transfers and the other one saying Arrivals.
What? How does that help me? I need baggage claim not arrivals or transfers.
Basically I was lost, very lost. So I decided to be a sheep and follow the rest of the Korean traveling herd. I followed a large line until I ended off at a subway line to transfer over to another area at the airport. Only until I got in the line I realized that baggage claim was arrivals. So I got my bag, met the director of the school I will be teaching at, and left the airport.
All I wanted to do was to go to my apartment and go to bed. Well, that didn't happen. First the director took us to a supermarket to get some food for the first week, then he bought us all pizza.
I didn't have any.
However the worst part was the reveal that I would share my apartment with another teacher. I would be living with someone else for four days. Four days in a room the size of my bathroom.
So the question you're probably asking is "Why so blue?" Well I am just dealing with a lot. I am lonely and I am scared. I am still afraid of being alone, and all I want to do is go home and be with people that I can trust. I keep wondering if this was a good idea and if it is really worthwhile to extend myself. I want to hug someone. I want to have human contact. I miss my family and I miss my friends.
I wonder if I made a mistake?
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